Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
