how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
