I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
