Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
