fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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