Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
