Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
