I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
