this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
