I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
