i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
