It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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