So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
