Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
