Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
there is glitter all over my balls
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