It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
