She is in my trunk
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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