i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
how does that bad decision feel?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
