I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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