Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
