Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
