you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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