I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
