I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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