I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
