This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
