I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
