Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
