I showed him my bush... on skype.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
