Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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