It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
