Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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