the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
