There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
