I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
