I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
