did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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