My friends, they love my intelligence
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
