Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
