My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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