So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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