dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
