wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize