Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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