garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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