and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
