I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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