i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
now i know why i became what i already was.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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