Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
