Plan B is the new Plan A
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
