Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
