I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
