Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
