did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
