Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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