WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My balls are so social today.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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