I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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