Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
