He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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