I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
