were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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