The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
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