You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
