Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
