Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
