What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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