remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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