Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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