Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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